Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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