so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
