i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
