it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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