i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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