Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
