Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
