ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your penis caused this!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize