she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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