chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
