My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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