You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
