What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
