that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
