Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
