took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your penis caused this!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
