Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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