Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
