Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
