hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
