I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
