you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
