Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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