yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
