Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
