Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
