My brain says no but my pants say off.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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