I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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