Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a search helicopter?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
