I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
