I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
