you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
