I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
