fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize