Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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