it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
