it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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