i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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