my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I could make wine with my vomit
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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