I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
