I need to stop coming to work sober
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
