life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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