Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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