at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
