I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
