butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
