No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
