Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she smelled like a LAN party
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Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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