peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
