It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
