We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
