Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
