i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
