happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
