You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
