Where is the hickey?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
