it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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