Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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