I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
