Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...