Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day