she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...