I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
