my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
