we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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