I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
