Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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