4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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