He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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