I looked at my own cervix.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
