I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
