I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
