how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
