The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
