I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Say something about gay babies.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
