The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
