i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
