I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
