white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
