You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
