wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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