you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
