and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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