My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
