id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
