Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
