Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
