Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
do nipples grow back?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
