You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
